Is lucky to be alive..

Ok, car accident number 2
Luck is totally not on my side.

Got into a car accident..
This time it is 4 cars in a row.
A car hit me at the back, the impact caused me to hit the car in front.
And the car in front hit the 1st car.

I am lucky to be alive,
To come out of this relatively unscathed.
I have a really sore left shoulder, arm and wrist now and think i need to get this checked
(Cousin, if you are reading this, do not tell my mum)

I do not know if this is a gd or bad thing..
But this is drawing me one more step closer to go back to Spore for good.

I am just so tired of staying out on my own
Tired of having to fend for myself
Tired of the loneliness that creeps in at night
Tired of not having the emotional support
Just very, very tired
I just need to go home
To be with my family
To feel safe and secure again.

Mummy always tell me that i can go anywhere i want in this world..
But to always remember that when i am tired,
There is a place called home, back in Spore.
Always waiting for me,
Always opened to me.

At first, when i went to Perth to study,
I remembered thinking..oh whatever.
Why will i even have any reaction to it.
I am having my fun, i was gaining my new independency.
And after my granny's death, i needed a fresh start.
Perth was my answer.

I lapped up the opportunity and started life afresh.
Things happened with B around the 2nd year i was there.
My 'friendship' with V was always on the rocks.
I knew then i wasn't ready to go back to Spore for gd.
I needed another new start.
Sydney seemed to be the answer.
I moved states,
Eager to heal, eager to learn, eager about my new life.

Yes, no doubt i loved my time here in Sydney.
I have done and experienced so much things here which i will never have had if i was back in Spore.
Good and bad things.
Things and experiences which moulded me.

But as the years passed.
The feeling deep within me, to go back for good is growing
Growing and growing.
Something i cannot control.
Slowly but surely..
So many things at stake.
Decisions to be made here..
But in my own time..