Homesick part 1002

And again,
I don't want to wait anymore
I just want to be home,
In the arms of those that love me,
This instant

I just want to be childish and irresponsible FOR ONCE
I just want to run away.
Why can't I?
Why is there this small voice in my head consistently tell me not to be an idiot?

I am trying very hard not to break down..
Why do i have to keep waiting
Why am i spending all my life waiting for something
Why?

F*ck i need to stop being an idiot and trying to kill myself by trying to figure out how you are
The thoughts in my head are always running, non-stop
Wondering if you are eating well, wondering if you are fine
Wondering how you are doing at school
Wondering if you met someone else
Wondering if you did even think of me occasionally
Wondering if all my memories with you are like i suspect, dust

What am i trying to achieve?
Yeah Char? What are you trying to achieve?

This guy doesn't love you anymore
He couldn't have made it any less clear when he told you the chapter was closed
And i need to move on.
He can't be friends.
And his heart has changed.
Can't you just get this drilled in your head?

I.NEED.TO.STOP.BEING.AN.IDIOT