If love was a choice, who would have chosen such exquisite pain?

Have you ever sat down one day and wondered.
How much pain and hurt you can take before throwing the last towel and giving up?
Despite being hurt umpteem times, i never seem to learn my lesson.
So one day, actually a few days ago,
I decided that i miss him.
And yes, it was pretty much out of the random.
So, i decided to be such a fool to sms to seek if he was alright, ok.
Moving on with life, dealing things as they come.
My rational at that time being, since i just wanted him to be happy, i am entitled to "Ask" for details of well-being.
So again, i am faced with another rude, cold, hit in my face.
No reply.

"Wake up Char!"
He never cared and never will.
When will i ever wake up from my pain?
Don't get me wrong.
I am enjoying the beauty of life now.
And loving the simplest things in life such as having a gd meal with friend/friends.
Exploring around.
Understanding myself more with each day.
But, i can't numb the pain.
Some nights have passed with excruciating pain from never speaking what i felt.
Some nights have passed with just total numbness.

Jo just told me that if i were ever to fall for Aloy, she will let off fireworks.
My exact words being,
"Are u sure u want to put him through that?"

So my qn or rather quote of the day is,
"If love was a choice, who would have chosen such exquisite pain?"
I need to be freed.