Wow

I just realised that it has been almost a month since i last blogged. Sheessshhh that is really a long time ago judging my overflowing thoughts which i always seem to feel that i need to unload. I am finally back from my US trip. And although i planned for it to be a trip for me to move forward in life, i find myself walking backwards. I hate to admit this but K filled my thoughts alot more than i will like him to be..and honestly, it scares me like hell. I really have no idea what is happening to my brain. Strange much? A good first half of my trip was filled with talking to Aaron on a daily basis as usual. I should really introduce Aaron here. No. Aaron is not a love interest nor a bf. I actually see Aaron as a better me that i want to achieve now- A happier me. And it has honestly been awhile since i last met someone whom i feel that i can seriously connect with well. And in all honesty, there is no love interest. The only kind of love on-going will be that of a sister and a brother. So moving on from Aaron, there is always K i guess. Maybe the last conversation i had with him messed everything up again. As much as i hate to admit so, i missed him. I miss him like crazy. Yesterday was one night i dreamt about him and OMG pls shoot me already. I don't know why my dream is telling me that he is right for me when all these while, all i believed in was that he wasn't. So why God, am i feeling this way again? My heart is achingly unsettled and secretly, i know this is bad for me. Wasn't the chapter closed a long time ago? So why isn't my heart cooling like it is supposed to? I hate having my feelings all over the place but i guess the best thing i can do now is to leave it with the Lord and he will shepherd me and my feelings.. Right?