Distance

Ok, i get it..
After talking to him yesterday,
I realised that its totally impossible for us to go back to how we were.
I am actually happy so..
Coz this simply signifies that we are not gonna go back to how we were.
Even if it means that we have drifted apart.
Maybe this is really what i need
And strangely enough, i am actually not feeling upset.

Somehow, my life seems to be better off without him..
Without him as in no dependency on each other.
Keeping things light and fluffy.
Talking about burgers and dance.
No in-depth conversations.
Being polite to each other..
Not taking each other as impt figures(wells..on my side anyway)
I realised,
I am much happier.

I am no longer harping on how long he takes to reply me.
Why is he not replying?
No longer wondering why he is keeping things from me
No longer upset when he says he has stuff to do and can't talk to me after awhile..
Not angry if he doesnt say bye
Not gonna be angry or feel taken for granted for disappearing online.

Actually, all i feel now is..
Monotonous, non-chalant,
No feeling.
Maybe its temporary but i am liking how i feel now..
For this person, who once was so impt in my life,
Seems to have lost all his importance.

I realised the care is gone when he told me he is better off dead
I had no reaction.
In the past, there will be encouraging words of things along the lines of
"Hey don't say such stuff, have faith in urself; u know i will always be there for you no matter what, etc.."
And this time round, i had no reaction..
I mentioned nothing about it nor bother to say anything in comfort..
I think i have seriously shut him out from my life.
Curbed, and tied all the care and concern i ever had for him and hid it somewhere really 'safe'
So 'safe' that i actually have no idea where i hid it.
Its just lost, gone.

As well, I told him i was planning for dance classes when i was back.
He had no reaction.
And i wasn't even expecting a reaction.
In the past, i will be upset for does it mean that i meant nothing to him?
I know i don't so its just ok, he doesn't.
No painful stabbing of the heart, of realization and all the confusion about him caring for me.
I am past that stage.
If he does, then gd for me.
If he doesn't, its gd for me.
So either ways work for me.

No reaction is equivalent to no hurt.
No hurt is equivalent to no pain.
No pain is equivalent to no tears.
No tears, no emotional connection.
Everything is kept light and fluffy.
Maybe this is exactly what i need to move on..
And maybe its supposed to be sad?