Day 4- Part 2

Despite all the happy air in the company today.
I dont feel an ounce of happiness..at all.
My heart aches like hell..
I can't heal..everytime i attempt to do it..
It heals a little, and then it gets torn again..
Each time it gets torn, the wound gets bigger..
Its like an insistent manifestering wound that only gets worse, never better..

I stood in the bathroom today, staring at myself in the mirror..
Thought really hard..
Should i just let you go?
And including letting go of our friendship as well?
J cousin said that if it is too painful, i have to walk away, even from the friendship..
And there is only either good friend or not friends at all..
Nothing in the middle..

However if i were really to walk away, i will tell him..
Say that its too painful and that i needed to walk away to heal..
And maybe one day, when i have healed enough, just maybe,
We will be friends again..
I know he will understand..

I really dont think its selfish of me to want to walk away.
I dont think its selfish either for me to not want him to be there for me anymore.
Even though he wanted to.
I don't think i can heal with him around..
How can i expose myself again, make myself vulnerable again with him?
Someone who has hurt me beyond?

I have yet to make a decision..
Suggestions anyone?